Waiting Game…

BK and I’ve been through this before. Where in a heat of passion, we call things off.

Last night, things started off fine. We had dinner, although all throughout dinner I was asking him to stop playing on his phone and pay attention to me. Then after dinner, when we were getting ready for bed, I asked if we could cuddle, and said I felt like I wasn’t getting enough attention. I didn’t want to make it sound like I was blaming him or asking him for more than he could handle. But he snapped at me. And said that I always wanted so much attention. Where before, he could give it to me willingly, but not anymore, because things changed after we had a rough patch.

That he loves me, but he doesn’t know if he is in love with me. That things are different now. Where before, he used to be able to share things openly with me, and now it is hard to talk to me.

I don’t know how it got to this. But I know, that I need to be strong and whatever his decision may be, that is his decision and that I cannot do anything to control his feelings. I could have made his experience with me more positive. And I should’ve worked on that. But I wasn’t getting what I needed?

Two months. I just needed to focus on making his experience with me positive for two months.

I am torturing myself for what I could be doing differently, but in the end, there is nothing more that matters than becoming a better version of myself.

 

 

Once in a Lifetime

There are some things that are easily recognized as being once in a lifetime opportunities. At this moment, I can say that I have the opportunity to experience one right now at work.

Last year April, I left my job at a CM to work for a GC. I was becoming more interested in working as a contractor doing residential or commercial work. Hospitality work, truthfully, was becoming boring because while it was a challenge logistically, every room was the same.

Today I am working on a custom residential home ($20M) where the Client has a budget, but they are prioritizing good value with good quality. There is a custom Molteni kitchen suite, commercial Halton exhaust hood, a swimming pool, 2 onsens, a Tesla Powerwall system (10 max as dictated by Hawaii building codes for residential projects), and a bunch of bedrooms, full bathrooms, ensuites, powder rooms, etc. The project architect is Shim-Sutcliffe Architects based out of Toronto. They have been very good to work with, and I can say that working with them has taught me a lot about design and construction.

In terms of construction, we are constantly pushing the boundaries of how we know to build (try bringing up three 4,000 lb rock up to the 2nd floor on a site as logistically tight as ours). Installing a steel roof structure. Having “coffers” be your ceiling. Verifying the chemical properties of various metal components to ensure that they are bronze or stainless steel.

Design wise, I have never learned about design as much as I have working with them. The architects are so passionate about design. The principal architects stayed in the house over two Christmases to really study and “breathe” the space. They realized while they were staying at their old, existing house that the best views were not visible in the public spaces.

The project sits right at the beachfront of Lanikai Beach in Kailua. Lanikai is most famous for these pair of islands a few hundred yards away, simply referred to as The Mokes.

The property, which sits right in this vicinity, never had this view from the old house. So Shim-Sutcliffe, when designing a house for the new owners, knew that they needed to take advantage of this gorgeous view. In order to do that, they “flipped” the traditional house so that the main public/entertainment areas (the living room, dining room, kitchen, public lanai, pool, and onsen)  are all on the 2nd floor of the house, and the bedrooms are on the 1st floor of the house.

Then, secondly, all the rooms in the house are all orientated to a diagonal 45* along diagonal gridlines which set up the framework for the entire house. The reason for this is to maximize the “long” of the site, but frame the Mokes which are 45* to the right of the house.

Next, the architects had a concept for the roof of the house, and that it would be “floating.” In order to accomplish this, the roof is supported on columns off concrete walls in very select locations (minimizing the number of columns in the house), but also to provide relief at the roof level. The steel columns are then cladded with bronze to act more as an architectural element than a purely structural function.

Everybody that has come on to the site realize that this is a very special project that may be once in a lifetime type of project. The Client is willing to spend the money on things that are valuable to him (including a custom kitchen, artwork, precious metals like bronze and stainless steel). The wood coffers that make up the 2nd floor cost about $800K, the concrete coffers on the 1st floor I don’t know how much (before my time), but as most things on this job was custom!

“I love you but I don’t know if I am in love with you” and other things I wished I knew before

“I love you but I don’t know if I am in love with you anymore.”

That was the most heart wrenching and hurtful thing I have ever heard. Sometimes I am unsure about the relationship, but when I feel like he is threatening to leave, I don’t want him to. I am in love with him, I love him, I want to be with him. I stayed when he strayed 2 times, because I wanted to work on us.

Modern relationship advice encourages women and men to talk about what is bothering them. It’s an idealized sphere where we think everyone is receptive of advice and to hearing things that can possibly be hurtful, with the hopes that it will lead to a better relationship when the other partner address all their negative behavior. And it’s idealized because we think that overnight, it will get better. But sometimes, the other person doesn’t want to talk and talk and talk. Every relationship is different! The thing that Pete liked, Jasper doesn’t. Jasper thinks it’s annoying. A relationship is about learning the other person’s preferences and behavior.

Here’s what I learned what I need to work on with BK

1. Stop talking about the relationship. Focus on enjoying the relationship.
2. Learn to trust him & respect his privacy. Trust that he will give you his passcodes when he is ready. You cannot change his mind about it. You cannot force him to do it. What he wants to do, he will do willingly. What he doesn’t want to do, he will do hesitantly.
3. Focus on being more positive and pleasant to be around. Practice gratitude. Stop complaining.
4. Patience. He will open up about his feelings on his own time and of his own will. You can only encourage, not force.
5. Focus on investing in the relationship and avoid conflict for the next 2 months. Learn to fall in love again. Be patient with the process. Learn to date each other again.
6. Pick your battles. Realize what is important to you, and what you are not willing to compromise on.

How to Have Healthy Communication Skills in A Relationship

For 5 months, it was utter bliss.

Then the fights started, one after another. Where there were once attempts at trying to resolve conflict, now there are screaming matches, tears, mental and emotional exhaustion, crying spells so hard that it fatigues the body…

I was, am, so in love with BK still, and it saddens me to write and reflect on the ways that I have emotionally manipulated his emotions so much for him to feel like I abused him…

Where did the communication become so unhealthy?

Yesterday, he told me we needed to take a break in our relationship. At first I denied it. I didn’t want it. I am in love with him. I want to be with him. I want to push thru the barriers we have in our relationship to come out stronger. But every time I tried to talk about our relationship, how I felt cheated on (twice), and his disregard for my feelings, maybe I am the one not listening. But why do we only realize we are not listening when it is too late?

The thing is, while it may be just a “break” – you’re suppose to treat it like a “break up” which means no contact. I don’t want to go crazy. I’ve been taking deep breaths and trying to practice meditation. I want to ask him about his day. I want to ask what he’s doing. Tell him good morning, and good night. I want to tell him how sorry I am, how much I love him. . . But I don’t want to drive him away. So I will swallow my feelings, and hold my self-respect, and one by one, the days should pass…

Only now do I realize the importance of periodic self-check (30-60-90 days).

I’ve been reading books and research about how to have healthy communication in relationships.

1. The key ratio is 5:1

5 positive interactions (physical touch, smiles, spontaneous kisses, compliments, etc) for every 1 negative interaction, to overcome the effects of negative interaction -Relationship research John Gottman, 1992

2. Neutral events can be interpreted positively or negatively

Healthy couples interpret neutral events positively (positive sentiment override)

At-risk couples interpret neutral events negatively (negative sentiment override)

3. Relationships are built on schemas 

Schemas are impressions. It’s a label you put on someone else based on behavior you’ve observed over time. Negative schemas like labeling your partner “selfish”, “lazy”, “loner” are detrimental to a relationship.

I realize that I’ve constructed schemas in my head, not only of BK, but his best friend BS. My schema of BS is he’s lazy, and a “shadow” to BK. He doesn’t have a FT job, but instead does odd jobs (ie, bouncer for a Halloween night), aspiring “social media influencer”, drug dealer. He always agree with what BK wants to do.

Sample conversation:

BK – “Hey, you wanna try ball?”

BS – “Yeah brah, shoots, sounds good bro.”

BK – “Football or basketball, you pick.”

BS – “Shoots brah, both sound good bro.”

BK – “Flip a coin. I call football tails.”

BS – “Shoots brah, yup yup, it’s tails, football it is.”

BK defends BS by saying he cannot hold a FT job because he has a 1-year old son. (News flash, the baby mama is working so why can’t he? The baby mama has full custody and he babysits from time to time). So everytime BK calls BS, BS is not busy! BS can play ball, drink, hang out whenever BK wants! That is why I feel like BK is lonely with me, but not his friend, because I actually have a life of my own… but I feel this is a negative schema, because I know how important BS is to BK. And BK is concerned/disappointed when I don’t hang out with them together. The truth is, I try to avoid BS when he’s there.

4. There’s a name for an argument/feeling cycle that you feel repeats itself again and again – it’s a couple system

A system is any pattern of interaction that develops over the course of the relationship (between intimate partners, coworkers, siblings, friends, etc). As you get into a groove with certain people, and have certain limited reactions in your repertoire.

It is a series of reactions to things that have come before.

Ex:

-Boy works late

-Girl gets anxious. When he comes home, she wants to talk about the relationship.

-Boy is tired and hungry and thinks girl is being needy. Boy feels overwhelmed and disappears into the room. He tells girl he is too tired to talk.

-Girl thinks he doesn’t care about her. She gets more emotional and frantic and demands boy talks to her right now.

-Boy thinks there is no peace in the home. The next day, boy wants to placate girl so he leaves a note before he leaves for work, or call her on his lunch break to say hello. He does something romantic and wins her over.

-Usually, his attention will only last a day or two before he focuses on his work and continues the old pattern of working late and on the weekend.

-Girl gets anxious about the relationship and cycle continues…

The breakdown:

-Girl feels lonely when boy works so much so she pushes him for more contact.

-Boy feels overwhelmed and blamed in her attempts to get closer to him, so he withdraws, leaving her feeling anxious about his love for her.

-His habit of spending long hours at work may even be partly an attempt to distance himself from an uncomfortable situation. 

“If she would only let me have some time to unwind and relax, I’d enjoy being with her more.”

“If he would spend more time with me, I wouldn’t have to always push him to talk to me.”

DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR???

 

The key takeaway is that it is important to be performing periodic self-evaluations to examine how we can be a better partner and communicator, to try to legitimately understand the other person’s need for space (and give it to them, no matter how much you don’t want it), to constantly shower your partner with positive affirmations, and let them approach you when they are ready to talk or get back together.

On Standards & Heartbreak

I started this post on May 25, 2018 and it remained in my drafts folder for the longest time:

Rejection and heartbreak is part of dating. Even if you feel like you met the person for you – someone who was the exact type of person you were looking for:

1. someone who could relate to your career industry
2. someone who wanted the dream of a house & backyard
3. 2-3 kids
4. a big dog
5. same political & religious leanings
6. freakin’ attractive
7. smart & similar humor styles

and then you realize, while they were your type, you weren’t theirs.

It sucks. 

I first met BB in December 2017, and he was in & out of my life all the way up to September 2018 or so! Even when he rejected me on our “2nd date” back in December 2017. For a whole year, I wasted my energy and attention on this guy who treated me only like a booty-call.

In 2018, even after BB, it was a whirlwind year. I would meet a guy, go on a few dates with them, and then get rejected. Some stories are a little funny in retrospect:

1. Burger Boy (the original BB) met on Bumble in Dec 2017
2. Biker Boy met on Bumble in Mar 2018
3. MS met on the jobsite in May 2018
4. RY met at a pau hana event in June 2018
5. BT met on Tinder in June/July 2018
6. AE met at a pau hana event Aug/Sept 2018
7. BK met thru mutual friends at a bar in Oct 2018

Some boys I didn’t really care one way or another. Biker Boy was someone who I was not attracted to his face but he had an ok-ish body. Butter face, I think is the slang. We went on dates for a month, then he went to Japan for a week (was still using Bumble at that time), and when he came back he said he met someone else, and how easy it was with her. With RY, I was physically attracted to him, but we didn’t really connect emotionally.  I couldn’t really talk about deep stuff with him, and our conversations were always superficial.

BT had a nurses schedule and was always a flake. So I didn’t really invest too much into him. I gave him a few chances since we did get along pretty well but he would always say things like “I would love to, but….”

MS had emotional baggage that I didn’t know what to do with. I kept my door open, and we stayed in touch. For work and as friends. We clicked personality – wise. But he would always tell me about other girls he was dating, meeting thru Tinder, speed-dating, other events and whatnot. From the beginning I don’t think he ever treated me as someone he was interested in dating, which was fine as we never did anything physical. Not even holding hands. But one night in July or September, he invited me out to a dinner and he said something about how he never rejected anyone before and he didn’t how to.

“Are you rejecting me?” I asked.

And I cried all the way home. But the next day, my heart was not heavy like how it usually was after heartbreak and I knew I was over it.

AE had a different kind of baggage. 2 months before I met him, his then-gf of 6 months cheated on him. I guess they were going thru a rough patch and one night she went home with a guy she met at the club. So he was very bitter to me, and angry, and I tried to fix that, but he just wanted to hook up. I was so obsessed with trying to fix broken and damaged people and it wasn’t until after I started to distance myself from that that I started to find things that were healthier for me.

BK would end this story. We met one night at Chingu when my friend wanted to say “hi” to this guy she had a crush on at that time who was having his birthday party there. Needless to say, it’s been 5 months since we’ve been “official” and I’m happy 🙂

 

Bad judge in character

http://thebummagnet.blogspot.com/2011/07/booty-call-to-boyfriend-5-ways-to-make.html?m=1

When I first joined Bumble – which I’ve since deleted – I met a cute boy. He was the first boy I ended up meeting in real life from the app.

I thought he was the whole package. Handsome, smart (civil engineer), tall (5’11”), and active/fit.

And his smile looked so sincere and genuine.

Like would you think anything negative about this guy?

I was able to converse with him well, and I thought we had similar values and life goals. We both worked in construction management, and I found I was able to relate with him because of that.

The first time we met was at his place. I was a little hesitant at first because they say guys who do that are just interested in a hook up. But he cooked dinner, and we drank a bit too much wine. It eventually ended in the bedroom, but he was respectful when I said I wasn’t ready to have sex with him.

One flag I ignored when I was swooning over him, was that he was constantly inviting me to hang out at his place. “Want to come over?” “Come over later.” He said he hated trying to get to know someone at public places because it was awkward, that the waiters and everybody would know that it was a first date, and it was difficult to get to know someone. I listened.

He said we weren’t a good fit by the 2^nd date, said I had too much emotional baggage, and I really thought it was my fault. I tried to work on myself because I really wanted to see him again. I actually thought he was such a great catch and good match FOR ME that I worried he would be snatched up off the market any moment. How silly, right?

So I sent him sporadic texts here and there. And 2 months since he “broke up” with me (when he said we weren’t a good fit), I started getting late night booty call texts and calls.

I tried to make my intentions clear, but so was he.

And I now realize, how silly was I to think I knew who he really was, or what he intentions were, after I only met him 2x? We were texting for quite a bit in the meantime, but texting only gives the illusion that you are closer to the person than you really are. As I got the later texts, I realize how much I admired his confidence and no-bullshit attitude. He wasn’t afraid to mess up, because he knew it wouldn’t really affect him. I was basically nobody to him, while I had idealized him to be everything to me.

We tend to think of others in a positive light until we really see their negative side, and then we realize that nobody is perfect, no matter how much they try to convey that on a first date. Things like actually being mean and rude extend far beyond what you can see superficially (like being nice to servers doesn’t even necessarily mean he won’t be rude to you).

How to find someone you like (who likes you)

The second part of the title is the qualifier, haha

1. Know your drink limit on Date #1

My drink limit, I now know, is 2 max if I still want to be a functioning adult at the end of the night. It sucks I had to learn it the hard way though, but I am so glad I finally did. In college, drinking meant occasions for “letting loose” and having copious amounts of fun. It meant not remembering the night before, only snipets of it from Snapchat stories. I realize that that is not the way I want to portray myself and the impression I want to give others. I want to participate in activities that empower me and foster a sense of health and well being. Cutting alcohol doesn’t mean that you’re ELIMINATING fun, you’ll just be finding different avenues of it.

2. Have a completely “dry” date early on

Know what “beer goggles” are? Our culture has become so normalized to the idea that dinner or any type of first date/mixer activity must involve excessive chugging of alcohol. The idea that in order to meet new people, we must be intoxicated because we couldn’t possibly be a fun, interesting person that looooves to talk to people… is just weird! Why does it have to, though?

Maybe the first date, you’ll have 2 glasses of wine. After all, it is admittedly hard to get to know someone when the things holding you hack are nerves.

But the following dates – date #2, #3, #4 – you should already be somewhat familiar with the person. Those dates don’t necessarily have to involve alcohol at all!

It’s actually better if it doesn’t. Alcohol clouds our judgement. What if the guy wasn’t really as charming (or cute) as you thought he was on the first date? (Because on the first date, you were soooo tipsy and was wearing beer goggles, girl)

What if he does things that are red flags? (How to know when a boy likes you) Under the influence of alcohol, we might even let those things slide because we thought it was no big deal. When in fact, it actually was a very big deal to us.

3. Be very specific & selective in what you are looking for

If you’re not into hookups, don’t hook up with a boy because you like him and you think you’ll change his mind. You’re not going to change his mind.

If you’re looking for something serious, don’t tell boys you are looking for just casual because you want to see them again.

Why do I feel guilty if I don’t know what I’m looking for? I’m just looking to meet new people, date, and see where things go. I’m 23. What more can be expected of me? It feels so frustrating when my mom keeps talking about marriage to me when I’m 23. Emotionally and mentally, I am not ready.

4. Be realistic

I am torn between sticking to my standards and being… realistic.

Is it so impossible to find someone who:

• makes my heart flutter
• gives me butterflies in my stomach
• is a nice and kind person
• sweet
• handsome
• smart, and educated
• ambitious
• willing to take things slow

Of course, there will be two sides to every coin. Being ambitious in his career may also mean having no time for you.

Being smart may also mean he can be egotistical or haughty.

Making my heart flutter and my stomach churn may also mean he can never be attainable (after all, we always chase after what we can’t have). We may be chasing boys that are bad for us in the long term because we are so preoccupied with short term gratification.

Willing to take things slow may mean he will lose interest eventually

There should be a sweet spot… I am still trying to figure it out.

5. Be secure, not insecure!
6. Be aware of the halo effect

The halo effect is that term in psychology when we allow a positive perception of 1 trait to influence other areas of a person’s character. Most commonly, if someone is attractive, it is easier for us to think that they are successful, kind, considerate, well educated, blah blah blah. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO REALIZE HOW DETRIMENTAL THIS IS ON OUR CONSCIOUS! A person who is attractive may not necessarily be kind, or smart, or considerate, or empathetic. We just think they will be.

 

Should dating be fun?

Each person is different, and you should never gauge your feelings based on other’s people’s feelings about it. Some people ay say it is, and some people hate it.

It is fun if you enjoy meeting new people, going out, and seeing where things lead. However, if you are the type that doesn’t like to go out, or meet new people, and uncertainty terrifies the beetles out of you, then yes, dating sucks.

Dating is about uncertainty. It’s scary, but exhilarating at the same time.

Dating is about discovery. It’s about learning about each other, and discovering if your morals and values are the same.

Dating is about exploration. You are both exploring sides to a person who you either have never met before, or someone who you have known since forever.

Dating is about connection. It’s a trial and practice to learn how to connect with other people: learning their likes, dislikes, pet peeves, what turns them on, what turns them off.

Dating is a ride. Enjoy it for as long as you can. Once it’s over, it’s time for you to get off. Maybe there are other rides out there which are more suitable for you. You’ll never know, and that is the part of dating that is fun to see where it goes.

On expectations

I was taught implicit expectations were ok. It was ok to expect certain behaviors from certain people, for example:

1. You expect your SO not to see anyone else if you agreed to be mutually exclusive
2. You expect your SO to treat you with respect.
3. You expect your SO to show up to a date or meeting at the agreed upon time
4. You expect your SO to support your dreams and console you during your failures

And you would expect all of the above of your friends too, with the exception of #1…

With colleagues and business associates, you expect, for example:

1. That they respond to you within 2 business days, if it warrants a response and they are not on vacation
2. You expect your company to pay you on your pay day
3. You expect your company would not like it if you did casual Friday on a Wednesday (unless you work in Tech)
4. You expect your manager to “manage”

All that goes out the window with dating.

You cannot expect anything of anyone.

1. You cannot expect that the person who you went on 2 great dates with will call you back for a date #3
2. You cannot expect that he will want to “date” you after sex (or even call for that matter)
3. You cannot expect he even likes you (even if you’ve been ‘dating’ for 1-2 months)

So keep expectations low, and have fun, girl.

When you’re ready to date (again)

1. You know that you won’t attach yourself to the first human who talks to you & force them to commit

Part of learning to date again is understanding that the behaviors that you do in a long term “comfortable” relationship is…odd to be doing with someone who you just met. A lot of the times, we “idealize” a person, who we think sounds great on paper. In real life, we fail to genuinely connect with them, heart to heart, because we think we connected with them in our minds. That is extremely toxic and detrimental to ANY relationship, whether it is platonic or romantic. The funny thing, is though, we do not have a habit of doing these things in platonic relationships. So why do we do it in romantic relationships?

2. You are genuinely ready to share your life with others & let others into your life

After being so intimately involved with someone for a length of time (it can be 1 year, 2 years, 6 years), there may be a period right after the breakup where you need to recharge yourself. For X amount of months you were dating someone, you were devoting your time and energy to support someone else. You may not have treated yourself with the utmost priority. It is during the time, right after a breakup, where we must spend time doing the things that nurture us as individuals. Everybody moves on at their own pace. Some people begin picking up the pieces before the relationship is truly over, some people like to do the whole get shit-faced for 2 months, mope, skip work, be alone thing before they are ready to move on, and even then, they never truly get over the break up until months down the road.

When you feel that you have established a routine, that you are trying new things, and creating an interesting life for YOURSELF, the irony is that other people want to hang out with you! When you try to make your life interesting because you think other people will be into that, people will be able to see through you as a fake person who is doing all these interesting activities because s/he wants to appear interesting, not because s/he is.

We all should take the time to invest in ourselves to create a genuine person: who is warm, kind, gentle, caring, optimistic, and open. When we reach a place for that ourselves, then that is when other people want to be with us, and want to be a part of our lives.

3. You are ready to meet new people for the sake of solely meeting & getting to know them

Not date them.

4. You do not feel pressured to connect with them at the expense of losing who you are as a person

I know whenever I think I’m ready to meet someone (when I’m not), my desire to please him is great. I want to show him I am interested in all the things he is interested in (rather than simply showing him I’m open to trying new things), to prove that we are a “match” or good fit for each other. There is nothing wrong with being open to hiking every week or cooking, but there is something flawed about trying to force yourself to say, “Hey, I’m already this type of person,” even though we know we are not. For example, I’m open to practicing my cooking skills, but if I were to say I love spending all my free time in the kitchen, that is B.S… I am the type of person who rather spend my time eating than cooking, and I actually rather clean & wash dishes than prepare a meal.

5. When you’re not looking for a relationship, but searching for the right person

The idea of labels or no labels, at its core, really shouldn’t matter. What should matter is that we are trying to find the right person for US. The right person should:

1. WANT to be with you
2. WANT to spend their time with you
3. WON’T be flakey
4. WANT to text and call you – you shouldn’t have to pin them down!!

There will always be people who may be great on paper: smart, handsome, educated, kind, shares the same religious and political beliefs as you, want the same end goals in life. BUT if they don’t want to spend their time with you, THEY ARE NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU!! It’s useless trying to pin after them and try to change their mind. You will be UNSUCCESSFUL in convincing them to be with you in the long term!

They may want to be with you in the short term because it’s “easy” – after all, you’re already chasing after them – but the truth is that, they are ambivalent about you and you WON’T change their mind! They’ve already decided that they don’t want to be with you or they don’t see a future with you. Be with somebody who WANTS to be with you!

6. When you can relinquish control

When you’re interested in someone, you have to relinquish control. You have to understand that whether or not they would be interested in you, whether or not they would text or call you back, whether or not they want to see you again…. You have NO control over any of that!

When you’re ready to admit that, and when you can relinquish control over these matters, then you may be ready (emotionally) to start dating again. If you’re still trying to FORCE them to call you, FORCE them to ask you out, FORCE them to text you back, FORCE them to even talk to you or to even remember you exist – you’re not ready, girlfriend. Why should you have to FORCE anybody to do anything??! See point #5 above. Dating should be fun, light-hearted, not too serious. It should be about TAKING the time to discover if you both want something more (or not, which is fine too).

Find peace with control.

We cannot control what other people do, we can only control our own actions. Practice treating everybody we come across with kindness, compassion, and empathy.

7. But know that you know that YOU hold the key to your own future

You are responsible for your own happiness. There will be guys who want to play you, who will guilt you to seeing them again even though you know you don’t want to be with them, who omit information they know as important, but will write it off as “oh, didn’t know you would care.” There will be guys who are hot and cold, who text you whenever they are bored, who couldn’t care less whether they see again, but will see you if YOU do all the work and chasing.

The thing about these boys is that they will drive you crazy. They will make you question your sanity and neediness. They will make you feel guilty and upset, they will make you feel sad and insecure. There will always be boys and girls like that. BUT the key difference is that YOU are YOU. Even if you can’t control their actions (point #6), you can control YOURS. You can choose to not let these types of people into your life who bring with them their negative vibes. You can do whatever YOU want. You are responsible for YOUR OWN HAPPINESS! Your own sense of self-worth and happiness will not come from anyone other than YOU! So make yourself happy.