On Standards & Heartbreak

I started this post on May 25, 2018 and it remained in my drafts folder for the longest time:

Rejection and heartbreak is part of dating. Even if you feel like you met the person for you – someone who was the exact type of person you were looking for:

1. someone who could relate to your career industry
2. someone who wanted the dream of a house & backyard
3. 2-3 kids
4. a big dog
5. same political & religious leanings
6. freakin’ attractive
7. smart & similar humor styles

and then you realize, while they were your type, you weren’t theirs.

It sucks. 

I first met BB in December 2017, and he was in & out of my life all the way up to September 2018 or so! Even when he rejected me on our “2nd date” back in December 2017. For a whole year, I wasted my energy and attention on this guy who treated me only like a booty-call.

In 2018, even after BB, it was a whirlwind year. I would meet a guy, go on a few dates with them, and then get rejected. Some stories are a little funny in retrospect:

1. Burger Boy (the original BB) met on Bumble in Dec 2017
2. Biker Boy met on Bumble in Mar 2018
3. MS met on the jobsite in May 2018
4. RY met at a pau hana event in June 2018
5. BT met on Tinder in June/July 2018
6. AE met at a pau hana event Aug/Sept 2018
7. BK met thru mutual friends at a bar in Oct 2018

Some boys I didn’t really care one way or another. Biker Boy was someone who I was not attracted to his face but he had an ok-ish body. Butter face, I think is the slang. We went on dates for a month, then he went to Japan for a week (was still using Bumble at that time), and when he came back he said he met someone else, and how easy it was with her. With RY, I was physically attracted to him, but we didn’t really connect emotionally.  I couldn’t really talk about deep stuff with him, and our conversations were always superficial.

BT had a nurses schedule and was always a flake. So I didn’t really invest too much into him. I gave him a few chances since we did get along pretty well but he would always say things like “I would love to, but….”

MS had emotional baggage that I didn’t know what to do with. I kept my door open, and we stayed in touch. For work and as friends. We clicked personality – wise. But he would always tell me about other girls he was dating, meeting thru Tinder, speed-dating, other events and whatnot. From the beginning I don’t think he ever treated me as someone he was interested in dating, which was fine as we never did anything physical. Not even holding hands. But one night in July or September, he invited me out to a dinner and he said something about how he never rejected anyone before and he didn’t how to.

“Are you rejecting me?” I asked.

And I cried all the way home. But the next day, my heart was not heavy like how it usually was after heartbreak and I knew I was over it.

AE had a different kind of baggage. 2 months before I met him, his then-gf of 6 months cheated on him. I guess they were going thru a rough patch and one night she went home with a guy she met at the club. So he was very bitter to me, and angry, and I tried to fix that, but he just wanted to hook up. I was so obsessed with trying to fix broken and damaged people and it wasn’t until after I started to distance myself from that that I started to find things that were healthier for me.

BK would end this story. We met one night at Chingu when my friend wanted to say “hi” to this guy she had a crush on at that time who was having his birthday party there. Needless to say, it’s been 5 months since we’ve been “official” and I’m happy 🙂