The second part of the title is the qualifier, haha
- Know your drink limit on Date #1
My drink limit, I now know, is 2 max if I still want to be a functioning adult at the end of the night. It sucks I had to learn it the hard way though, but I am so glad I finally did. In college, drinking meant occasions for “letting loose” and having copious amounts of fun. It meant not remembering the night before, only snipets of it from Snapchat stories. I realize that that is not the way I want to portray myself and the impression I want to give others. I want to participate in activities that empower me and foster a sense of health and well being. Cutting alcohol doesn’t mean that you’re ELIMINATING fun, you’ll just be finding different avenues of it.
- Have a completely “dry” date early on
Know what “beer goggles” are? Our culture has become so normalized to the idea that dinner or any type of first date/mixer activity must involve excessive chugging of alcohol. The idea that in order to meet new people, we must be intoxicated because we couldn’t possibly be a fun, interesting person that looooves to talk to people… is just weird! Why does it have to, though?
Maybe the first date, you’ll have 2 glasses of wine. After all, it is admittedly hard to get to know someone when the things holding you hack are nerves.
But the following dates – date #2, #3, #4 – you should already be somewhat familiar with the person. Those dates don’t necessarily have to involve alcohol at all!
It’s actually better if it doesn’t. Alcohol clouds our judgement. What if the guy wasn’t really as charming (or cute) as you thought he was on the first date? (Because on the first date, you were soooo tipsy and was wearing beer goggles, girl)
What if he does things that are red flags? (How to know when a boy likes you) Under the influence of alcohol, we might even let those things slide because we thought it was no big deal. When in fact, it actually was a very big deal to us.
- Be very specific & selective in what you are looking for
If you’re not into hookups, don’t hook up with a boy because you like him and you think you’ll change his mind. You’re not going to change his mind.
If you’re looking for something serious, don’t tell boys you are looking for just casual because you want to see them again.
Why do I feel guilty if I don’t know what I’m looking for? I’m just looking to meet new people, date, and see where things go. I’m 23. What more can be expected of me? It feels so frustrating when my mom keeps talking about marriage to me when I’m 23. Emotionally and mentally, I am not ready.
- Be realistic
I am torn between sticking to my standards and being… realistic.
Is it so impossible to find someone who:
- makes my heart flutter
- gives me butterflies in my stomach
- is a nice and kind person
- sweet
- handsome
- smart, and educated
- ambitious
- willing to take things slow
Of course, there will be two sides to every coin. Being ambitious in his career may also mean having no time for you.
Being smart may also mean he can be egotistical or haughty.
Making my heart flutter and my stomach churn may also mean he can never be attainable (after all, we always chase after what we can’t have). We may be chasing boys that are bad for us in the long term because we are so preoccupied with short term gratification.
Willing to take things slow may mean he will lose interest eventually
There should be a sweet spot… I am still trying to figure it out.
- Be secure, not insecure!
- Be aware of the halo effect
The halo effect is that term in psychology when we allow a positive perception of 1 trait to influence other areas of a person’s character. Most commonly, if someone is attractive, it is easier for us to think that they are successful, kind, considerate, well educated, blah blah blah. AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS TO REALIZE HOW DETRIMENTAL THIS IS ON OUR CONSCIOUS! A person who is attractive may not necessarily be kind, or smart, or considerate, or empathetic. We just think they will be.
Lisa in Arch 